My heart was tender this weekend as Pastor Jason continued teaching from Ephesians 2 and talked about the difference between obeying the law outwardly vs. the real heart change that happens inwardly if we surrender all to Christ.
I remember all too well what it felt like to do the outward things with excellence, but to be walking around with a hardened heart.
Someone very dear to me caused me great pain when I was a teenager. They decided to cut me out of their life, and since I looked up to this person with such admiration, it was a total shock when this realization came about.
For years, I’ve tried to push it down and not really talk about it. To be honest with you…I didn’t want what they did to me to take up any space in my life. I didn’t want to give them any more of my heart, so I shut it down and continued on.
Every time we would do communion at church she came to my mind. I would confess and say, “Lord, if there is any bitterness in my heart, please forgive me. Please take it. I don’t know what’s in there but I know you do!”
And even though I wasn’t doing the heart work at the time…God was working behind the scenes to free me from this pain that I was holding onto. You see, outwardly I was taking communion and doing the right steps of “confessing”, but inwardly, I didn’t want to do the hard work of letting God perform open-heart surgery on a sinner like me.
It was just too painful, and too much to bear.
But eventually, God decided to bring it up. Through a series of events where I had to see this person face to face, I realized that the bitterness and hurt and anger were all still residing in me…and I knew that God didn’t want to leave me there.
The one word I cherished this Sunday that Pastor Jason shared was the word “near”…when God wants to work on something in us…He draws us near. (Ephesians 2:13)
It also says in James 4:8 “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts; you double-minded.”
God was drawing me near, and then He asked me to do the hardest thing a human will ever have to do…forgive.
But that’s the beauty of the gospel isn’t it? That we have been forgiven of so very much, that somehow, someway, we are lead to a place of forgiveness towards others even when the hurt runs so deep.
After confessing my struggle to a few close friends, I had one friend in particular reach out to me to pray together. She spurred me on to pray forgiveness over all the hurts. At first my flesh resisted, but the Spirit’s work within me was too strong and overcame the darkness…that day I chose to forgive and let go.
I’m happy to say that this Sunday when we did communion, I once again tried to confess to the Lord anything in my heart…but He gave me this beautiful word of reassurance: “It is finished, Erika. It is finished.”
Because I had come to Him with my hurt, my brokenness, my pride, and everything in between…He gave me the gift of grace. He showed me that forgiveness was possible only because of what He did on the cross. So as I took communion, I felt a holy kind-of-closure that only He could give.
What might God be working on in you today, friend? What open heart surgery does He want to perform?
I know it’s scary, I know it hurts…but trust that in the end, His plans are always good. He always wants you to be free. He wants to draw you more near than the breath you take. And ultimately, He wants you to walk in that beautiful light of grace.
I remember all too well what it felt like to do the outward things with excellence, but to be walking around with a hardened heart.
Someone very dear to me caused me great pain when I was a teenager. They decided to cut me out of their life, and since I looked up to this person with such admiration, it was a total shock when this realization came about.
For years, I’ve tried to push it down and not really talk about it. To be honest with you…I didn’t want what they did to me to take up any space in my life. I didn’t want to give them any more of my heart, so I shut it down and continued on.
Every time we would do communion at church she came to my mind. I would confess and say, “Lord, if there is any bitterness in my heart, please forgive me. Please take it. I don’t know what’s in there but I know you do!”
And even though I wasn’t doing the heart work at the time…God was working behind the scenes to free me from this pain that I was holding onto. You see, outwardly I was taking communion and doing the right steps of “confessing”, but inwardly, I didn’t want to do the hard work of letting God perform open-heart surgery on a sinner like me.
It was just too painful, and too much to bear.
But eventually, God decided to bring it up. Through a series of events where I had to see this person face to face, I realized that the bitterness and hurt and anger were all still residing in me…and I knew that God didn’t want to leave me there.
The one word I cherished this Sunday that Pastor Jason shared was the word “near”…when God wants to work on something in us…He draws us near. (Ephesians 2:13)
It also says in James 4:8 “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts; you double-minded.”
God was drawing me near, and then He asked me to do the hardest thing a human will ever have to do…forgive.
But that’s the beauty of the gospel isn’t it? That we have been forgiven of so very much, that somehow, someway, we are lead to a place of forgiveness towards others even when the hurt runs so deep.
After confessing my struggle to a few close friends, I had one friend in particular reach out to me to pray together. She spurred me on to pray forgiveness over all the hurts. At first my flesh resisted, but the Spirit’s work within me was too strong and overcame the darkness…that day I chose to forgive and let go.
I’m happy to say that this Sunday when we did communion, I once again tried to confess to the Lord anything in my heart…but He gave me this beautiful word of reassurance: “It is finished, Erika. It is finished.”
Because I had come to Him with my hurt, my brokenness, my pride, and everything in between…He gave me the gift of grace. He showed me that forgiveness was possible only because of what He did on the cross. So as I took communion, I felt a holy kind-of-closure that only He could give.
What might God be working on in you today, friend? What open heart surgery does He want to perform?
I know it’s scary, I know it hurts…but trust that in the end, His plans are always good. He always wants you to be free. He wants to draw you more near than the breath you take. And ultimately, He wants you to walk in that beautiful light of grace.
Erika Pizzo
Erika is the author of the blog erikapizzo.com where she encourages women to care for their mind, body, and spirit as they grow closer to Jesus. She also hosts the podcast “Temple Care” where she provides weekly messages of encouragement. Erika lives with her husband, daughter, son, and their fluffy poodle in sunny Southern California. Her two favorite things are a visit to the beach with a chai latte in hand.